Saturday, 7 July 2012

How to succeed in customer service

If you are reading this, then congratulations! You have a job in customer service. Allow me to shake your hand, and once again congratulate you on your enlightening new career as a Sales Rep, Assistant, or whatever your company calls you!

Working in customer service is a life-changing experience, and this post is a simple list of the three things you need to remember when you are serving customers!

Number One: The customer is always right!

-          Is the customer asking for a certain product?
-          Don’t have any of that product on the shop floor?
-          Can’t even find it on the store’s system?
-          But the customer insists that you must have it in-store because it’s on the store’s website?

Well, if the customer is always right, then despite all the odds you must have it in-store, so keep looking until you can’t look further, because that customer just won’t admit they’re wrong!

Number Two: Remember, you are a cockroach!

As a customer service rep, you are automatically the scum of the earth, you deserve no respect, not from anyone, not even your parents! You’ve chosen a life of trying to save enough money to make it on your own, and you must pay for it by being treated like the cockroach you are! So smile and take that abuse from the customer who’s trying to get a discount for a shirt they purposely soiled, because you deserve it!

Number Three: What is this ‘thanks’ you speak of?

Don’t expect a customer to thank you for helping them, because you quite clearly have the attention span of a gnat coupled with the grace of a drunken gorilla. After all, you only climbed the Empire State Building of a ladder to grab a jumper the customer wanted to look at in the first place, only to discard on one of the lower rails. Who cares if you nearly fell off twice? It’s your own damn fault for doing your job! You don’t deserve to be thanked because working in customer service, you are obviously no good and deserve to be contained in an environment where you will be seen strangling the customers who annoy you!


  1. This is hilarious, and yes I did once work in customer service, at Walmart of all places. Thanks for the laugh

    Katrina Bowlin-MacKenzie

  2. oh that so great love it *-*<3 ( Safae Taji from Facebook)

  3. The sad thing is that this is the casein most CS jobs :(